Thursday, June 15, 2006

Hotter than a MOFO up in here

Feels Like

I know what you're thinking...75 degrees is nothing, but what you might not remember is I'm 193.683942 kilograms! And as you can see there is no wind...fatty needs wind!

Here's the thing: we so rarely get hot weather so it doesn't seem right to have air conditioners...but I'm tellin ya right now...If I had an air conditioner it would be blasted to full tilt. I'm hot and I have to take the garbage out and make my lunch and whine a little bit more!

Fatty doesn't like it when she's overheated. But things are getting a bit better for me. I'm on day 3 of no sugar and flour and committing my food daily. I can't even begin to tell you about this acute detox I'm going through. You may have noticed that I haven't posted in a few days...that's because I was sleeping. Serious! or Serial! for those South Park Fans out there.

I basically woke up long enough to make the next meal and then poof! back to sleep in the lazy boy...

It really is noticeable how much sugar and flour affect my body and its functions. I have been feeling much healthier for sure, but tired my friends, so very tired. I feel better today though.

Yesterday I went to my class I'm taking on cognitive thinking (erasing the automatic negative thoughts) etc. It's really called DBT, but I don't want to have to explain the whole thing to you -- but let's just say its perfect for me because its the perfect marriage of spirituality and psychology -- right up Fatty's alley. You may not know this but I'm sensitive....really really sensitive. So this class is helping me with tools to manage that sensitivity. I finally realized that I don't have to get rid of my sensitivity (impossible, but I have tried)...I just have to accept that I'm a person wrapped in a sensitive package, and that's OKAY (stuart smalley said so!)

Anyway, back to the class....this will definitely show you how sensitive I am. This is a class of about 12 people coming from all areas of life and are there for some reason: anger, depression, sensitivity (you get my drift)...they're not the most healthy bunch. Anyway, in the class everybody is pretty verbal by asking questions and participating etc., but after the class it's a whole different story.

Fatty is a friendly gal. If I'm crying on the inside you would never know at first glance. So, being the friendly gal that I am, I said something friendly to these two women in the elevator and they basically shined me. I tried to remember that these people aren't well and it's not about me. However, it's been almost 24 hours since it happened and I'm still thinking about it....Hmmpfh.

Update: The Hun and Nebbish her brother have tried to communicate with me. The Hun called and left a message (because I'll be damned if I'll pick up the phone with her on the other end) stating that she wanted to continue our conversation and how I could perhaps work towards being a part of her life. "Huh?" Ummm, NO. I really don't want to be a part of your life -- cocky son of a bitch! Jeezus!. And then Nebbish the brother calls and leaves a message stating he was sorry for being so abrupt. The brother has always been easier to get along with but he falls under her rule. He and I used to sit next to each other at meetings and we would giggle and have fun sometimes. She instructed him that he should not sit next to me. And lo and behold, the next week he was practically suckling at her bosom.

He has tried to google chat me a few times but I'm not ready to respond to him yet. I have to be careful though, because I have a habit of closing the door permanently on people. I remember there was an episode of Knots Landing when I was growing up and the line was, "Doors can open and doors can close PERMANENTLY." My mom and I used to joke around with each other saying that line. Kind of dysfunctional, huh.

I went out this morning after breakfast and got a large diet coke from McD's, as usual. I was actually able to pay in all dimes. (not interesting to anyone but me).

Then I took my self to Starbucks with large diet coke in hand and the book I'm reading, "The Craggly Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It" by Geneen Roth.
It's not so much a self help book as it is a journey through loss and love. I really like it. I have a craggly hole and it's a very enjoyable read.

I always sit in one of the puffy purple chairs and read. Two handsome men sat by me at different times throughout my read and I longed to be thin and engaging, but alas I'm fat and depressed...oh well, at least they're out there. Someday...

I know this post is probably grammatically challenged but I wanted to write something down and get this ball rolling.

Gotta go take out the trash....

Roger that!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have this book too, I haven't finished it... but it touches me. I have read "when you eat at the refrigerator..." and two other about xompulsive eating... but I expected a lot from them and actually gained a lot of weight after trying her eat whatever the fvck you want and your body will tell you to stop... that didn't work!