Friday, June 09, 2006

Heavy User

Message to Burger King: "I'm not your bitch, bitch!"

According to a big mucky muck at Burger King in the PR department, I am a "heavy user"...they market to me. When they create the quadruple cheesy deep fried whopper, they are thinking of me. I don't like that.

I'm gonna have nightmares about this guy...i just know it.

I dont' have a problem with the word "fatty" obviously, but I don't like the word heavy user. It seems as if they are manipulating me...and they have...oh yes my friends they have. They were actually the first up to bat in the "Let's manipulate Fatty contest".

ON special occasions, and usually because my brothers and I would beg, my mother would take us to Burger King. It was so exciting for me and I imagine my brothers as well, although I don't think it had the same zing for them. I remember my mom would have me order a Whopper Jr. (a whopper jr....) and my brothers would have a hamburger. Here's how the story would mom would eat her meal (usually a salad from the salad bar - she was thin), I would gobble my Whopper JR. and fries, my brothers would literally take one bite of their hamburgers and then start wreaking havoc on the establishment by running around like maniacs. This was my chance to get to their burgers...with only one bite taken, the burgers were still in their pristine state...but NOOO, thin Mom would say, "Michele, don't you eat that." But it began there.

The next manipulator was Hostess.

Ahh fucking Hostess. I used to babysit so I had enough money to buy stuff like Hostess etc. I've always loved cake products. Because I lived in embarrassment all the time, I used to make deals with my brothers...I would buy and they would fly. And they could NOT tell Mom that this deal had transpired. They would ride to the 7-11 on their skateboards and return with my stash and they each would have a BigGulp. Who cares about the Gulp...give me the goddamn twinkies, ding dongs etc.

The worst day came along when down the street from us a Dolly Madison outlet opened up. This provided older and not as fresh goodies but you got more bang for your brother and I even made up a song...Goodbye Terra, Hello Dolly. Terra was the store we used to buy from before Dolly came along and stole my heart.

Oh the Dolly stuff was heavenly in thought, but we appopriately named it Chalk. It was so dry, but the quantity was there. So that was just one way I gained a few lbs. I'll talk about more of that later, but I just wanted to post a little about being a "heavy user"....I hate Burger King now and their stupid King character is creepy.

By the way, somebody actually made a Twinkie wedding cake...

Over and out,

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