Ok, let's just get the cards on the table...I haven't been broken up with in about 3 years since that's the last time anyone even glanced in my direction....however, these little gems would've come in handy back in the day when I had dates etc. Enjoy!
The secret language of breaking up (Excerpt from YOUR BIG BREAK by Johanna Edwards)
The Ten Biggest Break-up Excuses, Redefined
Excuse: It’s not you, it’s me.
Translation: It is definitely, without a doubt, 100% you.
Excuse: We’re better off as friends.
Translation: The thought of having sex with you turns my stomach.
Excuse: I think we should date other people.
Translation: I’m already dating other people.
Excuse: I don’t deserve you.
Translation: I actually deserve someone much better than you.
Excuse: In another time or place this could’ve worked out.
Translation: If you were hotter/richer/less boring this could’ve worked out.
Excuse: I’m still getting to know myself, finding out who I am as a person.
Translation: I’m gay.
Excuse: I used to you think you were The One; now I’m not so sure.
Translation: You weren’t this fat when we started dating.
Excuse: I want my space.
Translation: I want to sleep around.
Excuse: This hurts me as much as it hurts you.
Translation: My pain ends after this conversation; your pain lives on forever.
Excuse: I’m getting back together with my ex.
Translation: I no longer even speak to my ex, but I’d rather die alone than spend another second with you.