Monday, July 03, 2006

Passive Aggressive People Cause Pain - Story at 11

What is it about them, our mean friends? They treat us badly, they don't call us back, they cancel plans at the last minute, and yet we come back for more.

I don't even know how to begin this post as what I am about to write about is so painful. To the left you see the picture of a woman. She sits arrogantly on a throne shielding herself from the truth as she casts judgment among others.

I have such a limited amount of true friends that I value and trust beyond measure. I give whole-heartedly to my relationships and always give what I can to maintain them.

However, I have (had) a friend who has continually been abusive to me inthat she is a passive aggressive bitch at times and never sees her part in anything. I have overlooked these things time and time-again because the good times and good conversations and like-mindedness we did share was great. However, she has "thrown me under the bus" several times. I have looked the other way over the past couple of years because it just wasn't worth trying to reason with someone who has no access to their emotions or reasonable mind. She continually would do things like make plans with me and then go and do the same plan with somebody else or talk behind my back to numerous people about me. She would do these things and then not call me for a few weeks and then voila! she would reappear. I guess I knew that I couldn't dialogue with her about what happened because it fell on deaf ears many times before.

Isn't it interesting that this is the same friend that I spoke about in my previous post, who is moving away. She really is either trying to sever ties so it's easier for her to move on or she's just pulling the same crap that she always has.

You see, she is a hoarder. You've seen these people on Oprah. They buy enough toilet paper to supply all of Sudan. They buy 1 bra and an additional 8 of the same kind on the same day. They shop at the warehouse stores for food for 1 person. There is a ton of excess. WEight, food, attitude, deception, arrogance and money. She is a trustafarian and doesn't think twice about taking her other friends on fabulous vacations, buying them fabulous gifts, etc. I've never even received a Christmas card from her. I have never pushed this point because I think that is greedy. I didn't want to appear greedy but it did hurt my feelings when she would tell me about the fabulous vacation or the fabulous gift she bought for so-and-so. These so-and-so's are also the people that she has complained about me to, so any chance of me ever being friends with them is not possible.

Since she is moving at the end of this month, I knew she had a big job ahead of her. I talked with her about how she would tackle the mound of items she had accumulated. Of course, she really didn't know. I came up with a plan, where I would orchestrate her move in a 3 phase plan and lined up some boys from the neighborhood to be able to haul off some of the items and get her receipts for taxes etc. I really thought this plan out. In exchange, she agreed to let me buy a computer on her credit information and I would have the money automatically deducted from my account every month. We agreed to this plan.

Then, (hear the sounding drum) she played a passive aggressive stunt with me where we had made plans to go see a movie and go to dinner. On that same day, she said "Shana" and I are going to a movie (the same movie she was to see with me) and then going to dinner (at the restaurant I wanted to go to). I thought to myself, well same ol'shit - different day. I didn't say anything about it and tried to stay spiritual. That was hard. But not as hard as it is now.

I told her to keep her schedule clear on Sunday so I could come over and assess the damages and make plans to get the ball rolling on her move. I called her this morning and she said that "Shana" had already started on this and would be coming over today to do more. Then she said "I'm sure YOU don't want to come over now." She repeated it twice. And I said well okay, I don't know what all this means, but I did make a plan with you for today." She just kept repeating that "Shana" was coming over. This is a woman I've been friends with for over 15 years and she really treats me like a floormat. I let it go and I figured she'd tire of "Shana" and eventually we would be able to start on the project.


I received an email from her this evening (passive aggressive bitch) that she wanted to stop the delivery of the computer and if she couldn't do that then I should refuse delivery when it arrives. I will gladly oblige with her wishes, however I will never ever forget this. She didn't say anything to me verbally, just an impersonal email, obviously written by one of her minions because she doesn't have an original thought in her dysfunctional brain. This came out of nowhere, but with her this is typical. It's as typical as making plans with me and then trading me out for somebody in her eyes that is better. I tried to say to myself, "It is my spiritual decison to love and accept her as she is" over and over again. I just wanted this in my blog because I am so hurt. I'm not hurt about the computer, I am mostly hurt that she did it to me again! I'm also angry with myself that my esteem is so low that I would tolerate this kind of crap for so long.

My negative thinking leads me to a place that says, "Nobody likes you Michele. You're a horrible person. This only happens to horrible people." I know this mustn't be true but it is a deep thought I have.

Ugh, this woman is such a bitch. GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH, I SAY.

Still abstinent thank god. I'm just afraid of falling into the deep pit.

Thanks for reading.


Anonymous said...

What a b*tch!! She doesn't deserve your friendship at all!

JessiferSeabs said...

Sounds to me like this woman collects and hoards and abandons people, just like she does toilet paper, bras, canned peaches, etc.

You are not a horrible person. And things like this happen to non-horrible people every day, precisely for that reason: because they are beautiful, imperfect, loving, open people... who allow bitches into their lives and forgive them over and over again, beecause they (we) want to believe the best about people.

~spoken from somebody who woke up and stopped being a doormat and put my own needs first about three years ago~


anne said...

I came across your blog when I searched for 'feelings are not facts'and I am so glad I found it. I'll be a regular reader from now on!
I've had friends like this person, and in hindsight, they were none of them very happy or healthy people.
It hurts like hell but it is something you can learn from, in time.
Take care of you

SignGurl said...

It is sad that we allow ourselves to be treated like shit because our weight makes us feel that we are not worthy of being loved.

I think you have the right attitude about "good riddance". Let the bitch treat someone else like crap. It's time for you to move on and find a truly caring friend.

Have a great holiday!

Vickie said...

I have a RELATIVE like this - makes plans to meet you somewhere - you go where she said - but it turns out she changed her mind, is meeting you somewhere else - and somehow you were supposed to just know this. The LAST time she did this to me was about 12 years ago. From then on I have said - "We will be at such and such at 2pm - if you are there we will see you, if not we'll catch you another time." NO LONGER share rental cars, hotels, flights or anything else that requires cooperation. I don't let her bring ANYTHING (food) to family gatherings that we are actually counting on as she either brings something totally different or arrives 2 hours after we had planned to eat with something that requires an hour or two in the oven (I kid you not - eating at noon - she came at 2pm with an UNcooked ham).
So, I hear you - I think it is MAJOR INSECURITY on their part - put you down to lift them up. But I really believe that what goes around comes back around - they will "get theirs" in the end . . .

Michelle said...

Hi Michele.

I'm sorry to hear your computer plans fell through, but I believe you are much better off not having to deal with this woman anymore.
I agree with reap what you sow. I know it's tough but this woman is not your "friend". Friends do not treat you like this. You'll be much happier in the long run not having to deal with her anymore.

Anyway, I wanted to wish you a very happy 4th of July!!!