just one more

this post is for me...so it will be always available when i want to look at it....if you haven't gone to www.danecook.com yet and listened to his bits...you really are missing out...

Gather up the troops

What you are about to read may be shocking, angering, and motivating. The man in the post ahead is SO NOT DANE COOK. The prick ahead couldn't even come close to being a real man. (just had to find a reason to mention dane cook...god i love him) .

I removed the original post that was here because it was affecting the person that perpetrated it in the first place. I don't want to cause any undue stress to anyone. I will say this: This original post was about a girl from another website who posted a story about a guy who she thought dumped her because she was fat. When she visited this website, she found out that he had an entire story about a gym experience where he nicknamed people. The fat girl in the story was named "A TRAIN". This incited alot of anger to the readers of the girls blog to the tune of over 2000 readers went to his site and told them what they thought.

My posting for today was because I was angered when I checked in at his site an found out that he had described the experience of getting such an increased amount of traffic as a "rotund" experience. I thought to myself, this pompous ass just doesn't get it So I reprinted the original posting from the girl's site and gave a link to the idiot's site so we could all leave our 2 cents.

The moron contacted me on Gmail and told me what an awful and mean and bad person I was to post that. He pleaded with me to take it down in between telling me how awful of a person I was. I believe he used the word violent. Anyway, I could have left it up, but I don't want to have to hurt someone to do it.

With that being said, if you want links to the original stories, please let me know.

Over and out
Fatty

I'm a real bargain!

Operators are standing by! I'm going fast....ACT NOW!

I am worth $996,028 on HumanForSale.com

I'M WORTH LESS THAN A 2 BR HOUSE WHERE I LIVE.

Another Bulimic Comes Out

Alert: PR SPIN AHEAD

It's so obvious that the word got out McPhee was a bulimic and the Idol PR people (very good PR i must say) got rolling and gave an interview to People (click here) to spin the story in their favor. They say that McPhee is a "recovering" bulimic and that she wasn't bulimic while on the show....

Uh huh. sure.

Nestle to buy fat buster Jenny Craig

This is just so typical of big business. Nestle, the maker of all things bingeable buys Jenny Craig who has claimed that they help people lose weight. They never helped me- you an believe that. My experience at Jenny Craig was stupid. I was 22 and I asked my dad (absent father, compulsive gambler), who at the time had just won big at the races, to help me finance Jenny Craig. I begged him and told him that this would be it. This time it would really work.

In my family you have to act fast if it involves money. If you don't take the money today, it most definitely will be gone tomorrow. So dear ol' dad sends me some moolah to go to Jenny. I go in and they set me up with all this paper food. Of course my favorite was the mac n cheese and the french toast. I ate all of the week's food in 2 days. When I went back to Jenny Craig for my "counseling appt", there was a girl in a white coat (implying that she had some kind of knowledge in nutritional arts) who sat me down and tried to tell me if I took Jenny's new vitamin concoction it would help me.

I left after that and never returned. Fuck Jenny!

That was just one of the escapades I had in the diet business. But I think it is really fucked that Nestle would own Jenny Craig. I think its fucked that Monsanto tries to sell the world on its vision of "helping" the world with their genetically manufactured seeds and putting the family farmer out of business and killing all of us with their chemicals.

I blame the last 8 years of horror in our government for the escalation of all this madness. I know corporations have been doing fucked up things far longer than I've even been alive, but this Nestle thing just bugged the crap out of me.

I usually don't get so political. Go see the Al Gore movie, dammit!

You owe it to yourselves to know the truth.

My Theme Song

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

What's Your Theme Song?

Comedians

<----DANE COOK (a sexy comedian which is usually an oxymoron, but seriously this guy makes my mouth water).










I haven't been too inspired to write today, but I have been laughing alot since I am watching alot of comedians. I wanted to point out a few to you so you can make sure to see them if they come to a town near you or you have Tivo and you can put them on your wishlist:

Bobby Lee
Louis CK - has a new HBO show "Lucky Louie"
Jim Norton - crass and awful but makes me laugh anyway
Dane Cook - hot and funny (HBO show Tourgasm)
Kathy Griffin - my wannabe BFF (seen her live and it's a MUST)
Dana Gould - he's writing for the Simpsons now, but he still does a little standup

That's enough to get you started. Let me know how it goes.

Bobby Lee

I know alot about comedians because at one time many moons ago, I was one. One of my favorites right now is Bobby Lee from MADTV. Check this out...I guarantee you will pee your pants.

New Profile Picture - You choose

Choose my new profile pic:

Feeders and Gainers

I never knew about this fetish circle called "feeders and gainers" until I gave a ride to someone to an OA meeting. She was a newcomer and came in around 3 and some change. She unfortunately had stubble on her face because, as she said, she'd been shaving for years. Unfortunate.

Anyway, she was telling me all about this feeder and gainer thing. I had never heard anything so sick in my life. Well, now there's a damn movie about it at the festival. Check it out:

Feed

Feed is a crime movie that delves into the underbelly of "feeders" and "gainers." It was like the most perverse episode of "CSI" ever with its love of obscure fetishes and subcultures. Feed follows an Australian cop as he pursues a buff and blond psychopath whose mommy issues lead him to seek out large and lovely ladies. The "gainers" languish in bed in all their enormous naked glory waiting for their feeder to show up and hand feed them burgers and donuts and high-calorie shakes.

The Anorexic Incident

Ok, so it's hot here. We all know that because I talk about it alot. Ugh, I'm schvitzing. I've run out of protein in my house so I know there must be a venture outdoors for me today.

Ahh, but first I want to go to McD's and get my delicious Large Diet Coke with extra ice, please. That'll be 1.83 at the window. Thank you.

I have a little routine where I get my diet coke (nectar of the Gods) and proceed over to air-conditioned Starbucks and sit on down in the big purple chair and finish reading whatever book I'm into at the time. Well, friends, here' s a recommendation:

DO NOT FINISH A BOOK THAT MIGHT EVEN MAKE YOU WEEP OR CRY OR EVEN HAS AN INKLING OF THIS POTENTIAL in a Starbucks filled with computer nerds who are devoid of any emotion.

I finished the Geneen Roth book about her cat and her dad and the craggly hole and I started weeping. Very uncomfortable. The geek next to me was uncomfortable too. The geek across from me looked like he was going to climb under his table. "Oh no, an emotion has broken loose. Take cover.!"

Needless to say, the book was short, sweet and very touching and it taught me something. I do have this craggly hole in my heart and it has never been filled by anything outside. I thought being thin would be the answer - because isn't that what we are told; that if we just lost a little weight then things would be perfect. The hole felt more intense the thinner I got. That was the first time around. The second time around I thought -- I'm gonna heal this hole. I'm gonna go to therapy, study meditation, be of service, date, find a man, wear cute clothes, and never eat to solve my emotional discomfort again. Uh, wait -- program interruptus! That wasn't the answer either, although I think all the therapy and spiritual endeavors have added to the person I am and I kinda like that person. But, I'm fat so I can't like myself too much. It's not allowed.

So, here's this hole and it's too big to ignore. It demands attention. It demands more attention now than it ever did. Perhaps, it's because I'm older or maybe because I am less social so there isn't much distraction. I learned that this hole is fillable with love. Love can be such a grand word with so much meaning. I can't force another person to love me the way the hole wants to be filled. I've gone to the wall time and time-again trying to get that kind of love that would fill this hole. A friend of mine says it's like going to the hardware store for a haircut.

This love that I seek is from within. How many times has someone told you to just love yourself and all will be well? Well, isn't that like saying, "Just lose the weight and all will be well." I've been as mystified by fat as I have been by love. The thing about this book and what it meant to me was that I am who I am right now--a fat woman who has been through hell and back not just with weight but with emotions as well. For a very long time I longed to be one of those easy-going (water off a duck's back) people. I tried and tried to be less sensitive and change myself. Program Interruptus again! Not possible. My package is sensitive, handle with care. That's the way it is. I don't want to change it anymore. What I do want is to grow into this hole and accept that it is there and I keep it the way it is because it is what it is. (how many times can i use the word "is"?). I believe we keep ourselves safe by any means necessary, hence, the weight, the solitude, the sarcasm, the over-neediness for other people. I can accept that today.

It is what it is.

Non-sequitor:

So, you may be asking yourself, what was the anorexic incident? Well, just to let you know that I'm not singing from the mountaintop with all the self-love and peace in my body...let me relay a story that is fresh in my mind...join me won't you--

Today - I'm schvitzing and my 7 minutes of standing time is coming to a close and I'm at Safeway. I'm depositing a check that I got and there is a chair to sit in, so I promptly sit down all the while thinking this will give me a recharge and I'll be able to do my shopping. This fucking anorexic is in front of me at the ATM-- I hate her. For some reason, I just hate her. She's 30 but looks 50. I hate her. She makes me angry. I'm not sure if it's because I'm hot or that she's in front of me, or that I simply just hate her. I didn't know that I would see her again.

I finished my shopping, deposited my check and proceeded to the checkout line which was 4 miles long. One checker and two meth addicts who just got their county checks were buying a boatload of groceries...two carts full..and these are American sized carts - so they're big. The line is long and guess who's in line..that's right-- anorexic bitch.

They make a big announcement:

We need checkers here. Checkers to the checkout immediately. STAT!

This nice checker comes up to me and says he'll take me at #5. I said that the woman beside me was waiting longer so please take her first. Well Rexi was behind her and looked at me dead-on and said, "Well what are we gonna do here?" (ps. the items in her basket were Hersheys chocolate syrup and 48 bottles of water and a head of iceberg lettuce -- WEIRD REXI). Anyway, I was hot and I was reaching my maximum stnading time and I said, "What do you mean what are we going to do here?" She replied, "We've been waiting." I said, "Well why don't I just go over here then." She says, "That's a good idea." And I said louder and more irritated, "Yeah, I'll just go over here." And right before I said, "Ya know, Rexi, I don't think anorexics really eat Hershey's syrup, are you sure you want to get that?"--the checker said, I'll take you now. Saved by the checker. I was really gonna go off on her. I hate her.

Nice ending to a multiple personality post--

xoxo

Fatty

I LURVE DA ONION

From the ONION:

Pope Makes First Papal Visit To Six Flags

June 14, 2006 | Issue 42•24

EUREKA, MO—Pope Benedict XVI returned to Rome today following a historic, three-day trip to Six Flags St. Louis, the first official papal visit to a major American theme park since Pope Paul VI's Thanksgiving Mass at Wet 'n Wild in August 1966.


As the park opened its doors to the general public last Friday, the pope emerged from the last car of the Foghorn Leghorn National Park Railway to greet the throngs of people who had assembled hours earlier for a once-in-a-lifetime chance to pay their respects to the blessed pontiff and to vie for a seat on Superman Tower of Power, a popular free-fall ride.

The pope began his visit with a brief sermon delivered from the balcony of the Old Glory Amphitheatre, and blessed the park's many concession-stand workers who "provide sustenance for our brethren seeking to beat the heat."

"My friends in Christ, as we stand together today among this unusually large weekday crowd, I urge you and your children to exercise the twin virtues of faith and patience, for unto those who wait will come great rewards and monstrous thrills," the pontiff told those in line for the Screamin' Eagle roller coaster.

The pope was honored in a special ceremony outside the Warner Bros. Backlot, in which he was presented with a complimentary season pass, good for free entry at any Six Flags or Hurricane Harbor until August 31.

"I am pleased to announce to His Holiness, the Vicar of Christ, Pope Benedict XVI, that from this day forward, June 9 will forever be known as Pope Day at Six Flags St. Louis," said Shazam! ride-operator Gary Moynihan as he lowered the safety bar over the pope's lap and locked it into place. "Now, prepare to be scrambled!"

The pope took an aerial tour via Sky Tram to Goodtimes Square later on Friday, where he was greeted by Six Flags dignitaries Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, and the Tasmanian Devil. The trio of characters went on to sign an apostolic exhortation on the role of bishops, a Vatican concordat with Six Flags St. Louis, and the pope's personal autograph book.

The pontiff also posed for an official portrait by celebrated Six Flags caricature artist Trevor Doogan. The work depicted Benedict in his robes, mitre, and Rollerblades. The pope also celebrated a special midday Mass, in which the capacity-plus crowds received communion and cotton candy.
Enlarge ImagePope

The pope joins a Six Flags ambassador on a tour of the grounds.

Early Saturday morning, Benedict delivered a children's prayer in Looney Tunes Town, in which he urged "courage, resolve, and strength of stomach when you come face to face with the temptation of XCalibur," and stressed that they should all "honor thy mother and father, who paid the ultimate price for your $45 day pass."

"If you are a child over 54 inches tall, your covenant with fun compels you to check out Batman the Ride," the pope added.

On the third day of the papal visit, bystanders witnessed what some called a minor miracle when Benedict reunited a lost four-year-old boy with his parents. "Today, a young wayward sheep has strayed from his flock, "the pope announced over the park's P.A. system. "But by the grace of God, he has been found safe and unharmed, and can be picked up at Porky's Pavilion."

According to Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls, Benedict accomplished everything he set out to do during the three days, with the exception of a much-anticipated visit to Colossus, the 18-story Ferris wheel, which the Holy Father canceled at the last moment for unspecified reasons.

"This is truly a special part of the world, and my time at Six Flags brought me closer to God—particularly when I was suspended in midair at the peak of Mr. Freeze," said the pope, his hair tousled, his face and the back of his neck severely sunburned, and his long, flowing robes soaked with water from the Big Kahuna raft ride. "But there is still much more to be done, and I have a feeling that God will call me here again very soon."

This was HILARIOUS!!!

Hotter than a MOFO up in here

79°F
Feels Like
80°F

I know what you're thinking...75 degrees is nothing, but what you might not remember is I'm 193.683942 kilograms! And as you can see there is no wind...fatty needs wind!

Here's the thing: we so rarely get hot weather so it doesn't seem right to have air conditioners...but I'm tellin ya right now...If I had an air conditioner it would be blasted to full tilt. I'm hot and I have to take the garbage out and make my lunch and whine a little bit more!

Fatty doesn't like it when she's overheated. But things are getting a bit better for me. I'm on day 3 of no sugar and flour and committing my food daily. I can't even begin to tell you about this acute detox I'm going through. You may have noticed that I haven't posted in a few days...that's because I was sleeping. Serious! or Serial! for those South Park Fans out there.

I basically woke up long enough to make the next meal and then poof! back to sleep in the lazy boy...

It really is noticeable how much sugar and flour affect my body and its functions. I have been feeling much healthier for sure, but tired my friends, so very tired. I feel better today though.

Yesterday I went to my class I'm taking on cognitive thinking (erasing the automatic negative thoughts) etc. It's really called DBT, but I don't want to have to explain the whole thing to you -- but let's just say its perfect for me because its the perfect marriage of spirituality and psychology -- right up Fatty's alley. You may not know this but I'm sensitive....really really sensitive. So this class is helping me with tools to manage that sensitivity. I finally realized that I don't have to get rid of my sensitivity (impossible, but I have tried)...I just have to accept that I'm a person wrapped in a sensitive package, and that's OKAY (stuart smalley said so!)

Anyway, back to the class....this will definitely show you how sensitive I am. This is a class of about 12 people coming from all areas of life and are there for some reason: anger, depression, sensitivity (you get my drift)...they're not the most healthy bunch. Anyway, in the class everybody is pretty verbal by asking questions and participating etc., but after the class it's a whole different story.

Fatty is a friendly gal. If I'm crying on the inside you would never know at first glance. So, being the friendly gal that I am, I said something friendly to these two women in the elevator and they basically shined me. I tried to remember that these people aren't well and it's not about me. However, it's been almost 24 hours since it happened and I'm still thinking about it....Hmmpfh.

Update: The Hun and Nebbish her brother have tried to communicate with me. The Hun called and left a message (because I'll be damned if I'll pick up the phone with her on the other end) stating that she wanted to continue our conversation and how I could perhaps work towards being a part of her life. "Huh?" Ummm, NO. I really don't want to be a part of your life -- cocky son of a bitch! Jeezus!. And then Nebbish the brother calls and leaves a message stating he was sorry for being so abrupt. The brother has always been easier to get along with but he falls under her rule. He and I used to sit next to each other at meetings and we would giggle and have fun sometimes. She instructed him that he should not sit next to me. And lo and behold, the next week he was practically suckling at her bosom.

He has tried to google chat me a few times but I'm not ready to respond to him yet. I have to be careful though, because I have a habit of closing the door permanently on people. I remember there was an episode of Knots Landing when I was growing up and the line was, "Doors can open and doors can close PERMANENTLY." My mom and I used to joke around with each other saying that line. Kind of dysfunctional, huh.

I went out this morning after breakfast and got a large diet coke from McD's, as usual. I was actually able to pay in all dimes. (not interesting to anyone but me).
Then I took my self to Starbucks with large diet coke in hand and the book I'm reading, "The Craggly Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It" by Geneen Roth.
It's not so much a self help book as it is a journey through loss and love. I really like it. I have a craggly hole and it's a very enjoyable read.

I always sit in one of the puffy purple chairs and read. Two handsome men sat by me at different times throughout my read and I longed to be thin and engaging, but alas I'm fat and depressed...oh well, at least they're out there. Someday...

I know this post is probably grammatically challenged but I wanted to write something down and get this ball rolling.

Gotta go take out the trash....

Roger that!

xoxo
Fatty

Good Comebacks

Ok, let's just get the cards on the table...I haven't been broken up with in about 3 years since that's the last time anyone even glanced in my direction....however, these little gems would've come in handy back in the day when I had dates etc. Enjoy!

The secret language of breaking up (Excerpt from YOUR BIG BREAK by Johanna Edwards)

The Ten Biggest Break-up Excuses, Redefined

Excuse: It’s not you, it’s me.

Translation: It is definitely, without a doubt, 100% you.

Excuse: We’re better off as friends.

Translation: The thought of having sex with you turns my stomach.

Excuse: I think we should date other people.

Translation: I’m already dating other people.

Excuse: I don’t deserve you.

Translation: I actually deserve someone much better than you.

Excuse: In another time or place this could’ve worked out.

Translation: If you were hotter/richer/less boring this could’ve worked out.

Excuse: I’m still getting to know myself, finding out who I am as a person.

Translation: I’m gay.

Excuse: I used to you think you were The One; now I’m not so sure.

Translation: You weren’t this fat when we started dating.

Excuse: I want my space.

Translation: I want to sleep around.

Excuse: This hurts me as much as it hurts you.

Translation: My pain ends after this conversation; your pain lives on forever.

Excuse: I’m getting back together with my ex.

Translation: I no longer even speak to my ex, but I’d rather die alone than spend another second with you.

427 pounds = 193.683942 kilograms

This morning began early for ol'Fatty. I had to get up and go to the doctor for a follow up and to get some paperwork signed. The assistant asked me, "Do you want to get weighed?" I said, "Yep, let's do it." She took me to the "big scale" which is for very big people. It is a hydraulic type contraption that with the press of a button comes careening out from the wall. There it was...the truth teller...the big scale...the big bertha of scales.

I weighed in at 427.5. I wasn't surprised at all. I knew that was around the amount I weighed and I knew that it was increasingly difficult for me to get around. The saving grace is that I started a food plan today which gives me hope.

Here are some things that weight 427 lbs. in addition to myself:



No embarrassment at the doctor except that she is stingy with the time-off she will give me....but I took what I could get.

I was so emotionally hung over this morning after last night's debaucle with the Hun and Nebbish clan so I felt spent. Next, I had to go to DMV to get my driver's license renewed. Every 10 years, you have to get a new photo and a vision test. I decided that I wanted to be exact on this license. The man behind the counter asked me if I wanted to keep the weight at 130. I thought to myself, "Are ya crazy man?" I said nope, put me down at 427. I'm goin for honesty here. Now over to the camera for the beautiful photo. But first....

Teenagers

There were alot of teenagers in the line to get photos since they are just getting their first licenses. I actually heard one girl say to the other, "I'm so glad I made it to 17 without getting pregnant." I thought to myself, "There's a goal to be proud that you've accomplished."

It wouldn't be very responsible of me if I didn't include a link to an article about Teen Pregnancy so here you go: Check it out at Teen People.

All in all, it was an exhausting morning filled with honesty and exposure. I can't wait for my appointment at the dermatologist later this month where he will examine my skin from head to toe to see if I have skin cancer...that should be a real doozer...


As always,
Roger that!

Fatty

Difficult People and Sensitive Ol' Me

Arghhh. I went to an OA meeting tonight because the window of opportunity opened for me and I had the willingness to jump through it.


Everything went swimmingly. I met with a woman who is helping me go through withdrawal from the junk and I'm willing to let her help me.

After we met 1:1, we headed up to the meeting room. I felt a little embarrassed since I was the fattest one in the room, but whatever, it's an OA meeting...it's okay to be fat.

After the meeting ended, I felt hopeful and ready to go home and get ready for my day tomorrow which includes going to the doctor where I will inevitably be weighed and perhaps treated like a disappointment by the doctor because guess what, "I'm FAT". Doctors always seem to have this exasperated look on their face when a fatty walks in and tend to blame every problem that might be going on because I'm FAT. Anyway, the weigh in should be helpful since I have to go to DMV and get my photo taken after that.

My current license is a good pic of me at 130 lbs and very tan. This one will be quite different -- pale, puffed, and 405. Niiiiice.

Back to the meeting: there is a brother-sister team that go to this meeting who I've known through OA for years. I'm closer to the brother than the sister although the sister has been reaching out lately. However, I call them "The Hun (as in Attila) and the Nebbish (as in whiney gay man)". She is very tall and intimidating and very set in her ways, and he is curt and full of disdain and not very good socially (an engineer - what do you expect). Long story getting even longer here....the Hun had her birthday over the weekend (supposedly a big blowout of some sort-although how much of a blowout could a 'Hun' have...well, through the grapevine I heard of this party which I was not invited to. Stupidly I mention this to the brother - just being light about it I said, "Oh I heard your sister is having a big party over the weekend." To which he replied, "Yes." I said I guess I'm not invited. He said, "Well you are still on a trial basis with her. She is very high maintenance and you need to earn her friendship by calling every day and maybe you'll make it into the inner circle." Okay, let's just say this...I don't care to be in a circle with the Hun or the Nebbish. They are the strangest duo I've encountered thus far. For a while I thought maybe I could be friends with the Hun but after tonight-- now way Jose.

After the meeting, she confronted me about how she doesn't like to mix her personal life with her program life. I said that I look at things more holistically and most of my closest friends I've met in 12 step rooms. Anyway, she babbled on about how she didn't want to be gossipped about etc. I couldn't believe it. I was sitting there, one foot from the grave (been going through some tough emotional times - first meeting back after being gone for a while) and this is the crap I have to deal with. Nebbish was the one who started the whole thing anyway, and I said to him, "Hey maybe you should be in this conversation." To which he replied, "No I do not want to discuss this. I will not." He was very dismissive which I had put up with in previous times, but not when I have a fuse about an inch long. I blew out of there and tried to get to my car as soon as possible.

I started hyperventilating and crying and trying to catch my breath. I called one of my friends who was shunned by this group about 2 years ago for not passing the Hun's probationary period, and started heaving and crying and splatting all over the place. Of course I went through the McDonald's Drive Thru to get my Diet Coke (see previous post). The guy felt so sorry for me because I was hysterical that he only took my dollar and didn't want the .83 that was due. This should tell you how hysterical I was.

I know that when something effects me this strongly that it is an old pain. It's an ache from long ago. It's the craggly hole in my heart that was left or never filled by the childhood that I grew up in. I wasn't so upset by the Hun and the Nebbish, but they were certainly the catalyst that brought it on.

I finally calmed down as I got home and talked it out with my friend who shall be forever named WaterMaiden. The WaterMaiden had just listened and that's all I really needed as I drove down that dark road towards home.

Roger that!

xoxo Fatty

R.I.P. GITA

Gita the elephant has passed on. I love elephants so much. They are the gentle giants and being held captive in a small space like Gita was is a crime.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- An Asian elephant has died at the Los Angeles Zoo, where critics have charged the animals are kept in unhealthy conditions.

Gita, 48, was found sitting down when keepers went to her yard Saturday morning.

A "medical response" failed, zoo spokesman Jason Jacobs said in a statement.

A necropsy was planned to determine the cause of death.

Gita, who came to Southern California in 1959, was one of three elephants at the zoo.

She and another female, Ruby, have been living out of the public view in adjoining yards.

Gita had arthritis and a history of foot problems, and underwent surgery last year to remove portions of a toe from her left front foot.

The living conditions of the zoo's elephants were closely examined after the death of Tara, a 39-year-old African elephant who died of heart failure in 2004.

Critics have long said the zoo's elephant enclosures are too small for animals that can roam up to 10 miles in the wild and that the hardpacked soil and concrete are brutal on their feet. Zoo officials dispute the charges.

A city report released last year said the elephants are well-tended but need far more space.

In April, the City Council approved construction of a $39 million elephant exhibit for the zoo.

The 3.5-acre exhibit would have a variety of natural walking surfaces and would include trees and bathing waterholes.

Rest in peace my friend,

Fatty

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the....

A few funny things have happened lately that can only happen to a fatty.

1. I went to see "The Break Up", which by the way I found very enjoyable. I love Vince and would like to marry him...(I'm 13...emotionally). Anyway, I went to the theatre and didn't even stop at the snack counter where I usually try to get a medium diet coke for free...(I'm pretty stealth when I need to be). The carpet in the theatre was damp because they had just shampooed them. There wasn't any sign posted about this but I found out as I stepped on the linoleum near the theatre door and went down hard. All 400 lbs of me when into the wall and then splat on the floor. 3 men tried to help me up but it was a no-go. I didn't break anything thank god. But, I did have to maneuver myself in such a way that only a fatty would know to leverage my weight to get upright again. I was shook up, hyperventilating, embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, and basically wanted to disappear. I thought, just get into the theatre - hurry hurry hurry-get into the theatre before people see you....get away from these men that tried to help you up....get away from anybody who saw that....get away from anybody that might say something hurtful....

I got to my seat in the theatre and was having trouble catching my breath. This Latino man who wheels the snack cart from theatre to theatre came over and said in whisper, "Lady, do you need a pill?" I was thinking, shit if you have some valium, vicodin, percocet, etc, that would be great, but I imagine he probably had Advil, so I declined.

Then the manager (19 year old chump in a little suit) came over with a piece of lined paper and asked me to write my name and number down. I was thinking, shit --- throw me down some free passes...but I didn't have my moxie in place at the time and all I got out of the whole thing was a big reminder about how large I am and a cup of theatre water. Hmmpfh.

2. My friend Insightful Ingrid got together and went to dinner at Red Robin (hamburger emporium with bottomless fries) the other night. Both of us had lost tons of weight in Stepford OA but both of us have relapsed again and again. We went to have a meal together and were seated in the corner in the dark....really! there was no light over our table...most people would want to move, but not us -- it was perfect for the embarrassed fatty trying to get her grub on. Anyway, the meal was substandard as all non-abstinent meals are after the first few bites. (It always sounds good until you feel so full you can't breathe.) On our way out of the grease factory the floor was greased up and I literally slid my way to the door. Memories of the movie theatre came rushing back to me while I very carefully tried to skate my way to the door after walking by every patron in the place. FATTY EMBARASSMENT AGAIN.

We decided we would go to Cold Stone for ice cream, but the stipulation was that Ingrid was going to have to go in because I knew it would be crowded and I couldn't stand that long in the line. We pull up and it was extremely crowded. We sat there in the car singing at the top our lungs to Bye Bye Miss American Pie and after the song ended I said, hey lets go to Baskin Robbins instead. Ingrid had been there earlier in the day with her family and the word had stuck in my head. We go on a search for a Baskin Robbins. Ahh, we found one...I pull into a parking space all haphazard-like and we go in. At first I wanted Ingrid to go do the deed, but there are 31 freakin flavors and how's a girl supposed to know what I like...

Ok, so things are going smoothly, the floor in the place has traction to there is no slippage. I get my Sundae and ask Ingrid to pay for it with my money while I go outside to sit (my 7 minutes were up). She came out with the goods and handed it to me. I make my way to the car and open the door when at the same time the sundae went flying. Some of the remnants landed on my pants and some on my shoe, which I tried to recover with my finger...the rest of it rolled underneath the car. I thought, Fuck! I couldn't find it because it was under the car hiding from me. As I pulled out I asked Ingrid to look for it and she found it. I asked her if it was salvageable. She said she thought it would be okay....sometimes you have to be careful with Ingrid because she tends to have an iron stomach and can eat week old chow mein and not get sick. Not so with Fatty...I can't even eat day-old chow mein without being ill. Anyway, desperate for that fucking sundae, I took her word for it and away we went with delapidated sundae in hand.

That's all folks!
xoxo
fatty

Fatty Returns

Hello faithful friends,

I have returned. I had to move my blog to a new address, partly because the old name kept getting confused with a word that sounds like "itch" but starts with "b" and frankly that is not the message I was hoping to send.

As you may already know I've been going through a sad time lately. I'm overburdened by this weight and my inability to start on any kind of weight loss effort. I used to say to myself in OA and FA that if I relapsed I didn't think I'd have another recovery in me. Well this is proving to be true.

I am stuck. I know some of the greatest thinkers in our history have been "stuck" at times. I've been reminded countless times about Thomas Edison and his damn lightbulb..."you know, Thomas Edison tried 1000 times before he got the filament right for the light bulb"....I'm not trying to create a lightbulb here. I'm trying to find hope to continue.

It's hard in this body. I feel most comfortable when I'm sleeping (in a lazyboy chair) and watching TV. I immediately am reminded of my girth as soon as I go out into the world by the pain in my back and knees. In another post I wrote about the strategies of going out into the world and the grocery store strategy. I only have about 7 minutes of operating time before the back starts to tell me I'm too fat.

Roger that!
xoxo
Fatty